Be still my soul

This months is one of the toughest months ever for me,

Not because am Soo broke from spending all on the festive season but because it’s a anniversary to the day I lost a part of me.

Every January 31, I lay in my bed reminiscing of what could have been of how it should have been and could be, but it all comes down to one thing.

I should be okay

My soul should be okay

Because my momma is in a happy place and it’s the only thing we want for our loved ones right.

So this year am saying be still my soul for you are okay, you will be okay..

6 years without calling mommy mom, but I still do, am still doing it right ๐Ÿ˜€..

Dedicated my research thesis to you my heart

LOVE

Ems

Stop playing pretend

We are masked, unseen and hidden. We have been hurt, too hurt we feel empty and lifeless. We hide our weakness, our shame and our truth. Nobody knows us, we are all playing pretend. We paint colourful pictures in our mind, of what our life is. Sometimes we live that way, but we forget that isn’t us.

As we look in the mirror, we see us, we see our secrets but as we walk out the door. The world See’s perfection, it See’s love and goodness but we hide our pain and run from our troubles.

But someone knows, someone cares. He knew you before you were even a thought, he knew you from your first breathe, to your first word to the grave he will know you still. Even with all your pain, he See’s you and he feels it with you, he knows you will overcome because his with you. So when you need him, talk to him, he listens, he loves me and he loves you the same..

I hope you know him

LOVE
EMS

How much ist meant to hurt?

I literally sat for about an hour, trying to figure out what to write. Everytime I typed one word, tears started rolling down my cheek. I thought I was fine, like I had finally had the breakthrough. It’s been months,
Months and months of me being all fine but today, today it just hurts so much.

If you follow my blog, you Prolly know I lost my mom, I have been open about it because it helped me heal and really felt like I was finally okay and had made peace with it. I guess I haven’t..

I woke up feeling drained with life and school. Found myself wishing my mom was still here. I yearn to hear her say it’s gonna be okay and I will make it through. This words can come from anyone right now and it wouldn’t make a difference because I want her.. no, I need her. I feel like am about to loose it. I literally feel like she just passed away all over again. It’s hurts so bad.

I have tried everything right now.. praying, listening to gospel, watching all funny videos but it’s just still hurts. Am crying to every word said in this blog. HOW MUCH IST MEANT TO HURT..?
Writing just makes me always feel better.
So here is my mood today.

LOVE
EMS

Dejavu

The exit sign is in red,
should be wiser
should be smarter,
been here before.
Almost like dejavu

In denial
Hate practical means,
love at this point
can’t give up
need to wake up
Let this energy draw me back to sanity
Let the flames in me come to life
Let the fire of rage burn all the blooming flowers

love the thought of you
keeps me saine
keeps me alive
like a drug,
Withdrawal symptoms are kicking in,
Don’t wanna learn to not love you
It’s not even an option right now

Gravity has left me
My body is in the clouds
There’s no ground beneath me
Earthless
Out of control

LOVE

EMS

Unapologetic beauty

Ever look at someone and just go like”DAMN” she bold, she beautiful,she sexy or he handsome,he cute.. well I just had that moment recently and it got me thinking, what’s beauty? What is sexy?

Often times people take sexy as beautiful,but is it? In my understanding, when someone says you are sexy, this automatically means that person see beyond your clothes, you bring out the sexual feeling in them. Not necessarily that they want to go all the way with you but the thought is there.

Sexy to me is wearing your best self and feeling outaspace. Like a vivid image of who you are. Being sexy is letting all the negative vibes dissolve from the scent of your cologne, it’s letting everyone know “you gat you and you are enough”.

With that being said; what is beauty to me?

Beauty is more than just a pretty face or an hour glass body shape, it’s more than being smart and on top of the world. Beauty is being unapologetic about who you are, it’s being confident and believing in yourself. It’s being your own cheerleader when no one is around, it’s looking in the mirror, seeing the scars and being content and smile because they prove you survived. A conquer and the anchor of your life. Having a pure heart of cold..

All in all,sexy and beauty both represent life in two different angles, they say beauty fades, but I don’t believe that because unless all that within me fades,then yes it fades. On the other hand, being sexy is the new ish!!!

Comment down below,

Do you prefer to be called sexy or beautiful?

I know I want beauty๐Ÿ˜‹,

Am unapologetically beautiful ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

LOVE

EMS

Awake

In my most daring coordinates,
Away from all shield walls,
You conjured up my selfish self.

The taker I once knew and buried deep within a medically induced coma.

All my burn wounds are still third degree.

You stirred up nightmares,
Kept them awake and me abay.

For one cannot exist with the other.

Then you left before dawn,
I should have known.

Your ship was not docked, your sail was still up.

What to do now that I’m wide awake?

Goodbye my heart

Am down on my knees to put my heart out to you, Lord. I don’t think anyone can ever begin to understand your work. But you are mighty and you always reign. Everything you do is for a reason.

It’s been over two weeks now, I still can’t quite grasp the right words to say and am literally shut down still.

Words can’t begin to describe how I feel right now. True Friendship is hard to find,let alone keep up with, when distance is between,but somehow we tried.

I can’t..

Rest in eternal peace my love

I will surely miss you

LOVE

EMS

She’s my best friend but..

Life is pretty messed up at times. So messed up you find yourself putting a but to things or situations you never thought you would.

Well, here is a bit of it.
I met this very amazing person back in 2009 at a new school we were all going to attend our eighth grade. It was like meeting a long lost sister. We became friends right away.

The “Bffs”, we were goals for real, even I wanted to be us. She was and still is an amazing person, kind, smart, loyal,talented, you name them.

We were always there for each other, always always. In our matrix year, when I lost my mom, she was there, helped me through it all. From letters to post cards,to songs. Knew me when am sad,when am hungry,even when I had the monthly mood swings.

It was all good until we all came to varsity, different schedules. From talking everyday to once a week,to once a month. It was tough. She became like someone I just knew in high school. Ever visit someone you really wanted to see so badly and instead of talking all night long,catching up on who’s dickmatised and how your last circle messed you up, you end up not saying anything to each other. Well that was us, we tried.
I could view her whatsapp status and not saying anything. Could send a funny memes and she would laugh at it after days. The rhythm of the friendship was sinking slowly.

Things hit rock bottom when she went through something even I didn’t know how to react too. After months of us not talking, she texted me asking, what went wrong between us? , I didn’t know what to say,i mean,even I been asking myself the same question.

Where did it all go wrong. But I guess life just hit us to hard that we couldn’t overcome.

Two months ago, we sort of recandled our friendship but now it just gets awkward Everytime we talk but we are trying.

In a nutshell, friendship is ups and downs. You may be on top of the world today but deep below the sea tomorrow.life humbles us all. Till next time. Love you guys

LOVE
EMS

“sorry”

Hey guys, I guess you have noticed that I haven’t been posting as much as I used too, and am really sorry for that.

Lately,my day schedule moved from 80% busy a day to 95%. I have been and up with my school and trying to finish my research which is a requirement for me to graduate.

Okay,now i guess you thinking,”who cares”๐Ÿ˜, but oh well, I just thought I would put it out there. I really appreciate you guys and I will try my best to post Everytime I get some free time.

LOVE

EMS

UNCOMPLICATED

From the dust, man rose
From a man came a woman,
Unlocked from the deepest part,
From the ribs of the one,
We are meant to be with

We were one from creation
Conjoined souls we shall always be
Our feelings plain and white as snow
Through every doubt and temptation
Through every heartache and sorrow
Together we should always be

No grey area
No second guessing
I am yours,everytime you feel you are mine
I know true love ain’t easy
Don’t leave, even when I give you reasons too
True love is hard,it should always be

If it’s hurts,
I will make it better
We had been through the worst
But we made it through
Just let me know, you need me

You have my heart,
Don’t break it
We should be one,
We were meant to be one
If this works
If it makes it through the weather
If it makes it through the storm
What great joy,it shall bring

We can’t replace what we have going on,
So love me despite all my flaws
Because I love you despite them all.
It’s just love
It should be
UNCOMPLICATED

LOVE
EMS

Dear ex

I was wrong, so so wrong. Thinking you were slightly who I was meant to be with. But I have learned. You told me I wouldn’t find anyone like you but hey, I didn’t want you or anyone like you. I wanted different and i got it. You are really an example of what not to do. So here is me moving on.

Thank you
Thank you So So Much,
I Can’t Begin To Tell you,
How Much You Made Me Happy For Leaving , Thank you So Much
It’s The Most Wonderful Gift you have ever given To Me,
I Feel So Free,
It’s Like Running Naked In Town Square On Invinsible Mode,
Thank you so so much
I Have Met The Most Wonderful Man
And Now I Know What A Man Is Realy About,
And I Owe It All To you,
Thank you So So Much,
Thank you๐Ÿ˜‰.

LOVE
EMS

Distance between us

It’s not easy being so inlove with you and not being able to see you everyday. There are Times when i would literally give anything just to gaze into those beautiful eyes of yours, just to hold you in my arms for a minute at least . A minute for me to smell your cologne and let your scent settle on my clothes so i can feel you all night.

I always feel incomplete, as though a part of me is missing when we are not together. I know this is how things should be but that still doesn’t cushion the blow and it really doesn’t make it easier to bear.

Every day without you reminds me of how much joy you bring to my life, and how that joy is missing.It’s a long way to you my love
But I hope this love is right there with you
This distance is not an obstacle, it’s a challenge to see how strong this love is, but This love is fierce, This love is hard as A rock. A thousand miles can’t keep us part. So don’t forget that I love you, that am thinking of you and that am counting every minute until we’re together.
You are worth the wait.
I love U my LOVE

LOVE
EMS

Don’t lose yourself

Like a stone at shore,

Losing density and shape from the waves

Becoming thin with every splash

Slowly into sand.

Love is compromising

But how much is too much.

Don’t loose yourself in the way while trying

To make him/her happy.

Don’t be like a stone at shore.

Just don’t lose yourself

LOVE

EMS

Perfect

A great love, makes a great world
A great you, makes a great life
Thinking of our love,
gives me butterflies in my tummy
You are great
You are amazing
You are special
Luminous and wild
I can’t deny my love for you
Your kisses are hot
They melt down the weakest parts in me
Leaving me all naked inlove
Long nights and passionate kisses makes a perfect romance novel,
Where we do another version of Romeo and Juliet.

You and me are like the definition of a prime factor simply cause we one
Far apart or near,
I feel your heart beating fast for pleasure and
It’s the end of the day, we kiss and make love
Long on our hot spot
Wake up feeling tired and dripping wet
All in the name of love
You don’t mean anything to me
You totally mean everything
All for you is what it is

LOVE

EMS

A moment in time

You are cause you have always been
You are my one and only
You take me as I am
You take me to places unimaginable
Your body makes up a perfect cross section
You are my reflection
When we’re together
It’s like starring in a mirror

The love so
The smile so
The look so
The warmth so
Memory of the wind
You are my love

You are cause you have always been
I was meant to love you crazy
Cause a night with you feels like rainbow calmness
Hours converted to minutes
Kissing and making out till dawn breaks
The street full of mist
so saturated as if a white cloud descended from the heavens
Our love is everything everything
The outcome so ridiculous that nature should obey
Heart skips a bit, everything stops, seconds click then all of a sudden
The fog melts under our feet
So hot inlove
Can’t stop
Take a breathe or break
Heart stops again
Then everything double clicks
You are a force
So terrible yet intance
To gaze upon,
Everything stops and stares
A moment captured is saved for life

LOVE

EMS

Being right takes too long, Here is my wrong

There are things that are happening about the world that are just inhuman, let’s pay attention

Love and hate

A lot of us fall inlove for the wrong reason. Uuh he’s got nice arms, aww his got that six pack and then we fall out, after this we say we hate the person. Right here, right now, today, this instant. The opposite of love is not hate.. it’s indifferent. This is when you just don’t love a person, not that they did something to you, so be careful what you wish for because Santa might be come early this year! !!

Change

Change is from bad to good, we say we’ve changed, how? Because we’ve gained mass,grew taller? , we need a word that comprises of them all because change is really not the word. When i was young, i dreamt of changing the world and making it a better place for everyone but now, now that am older i realised it’s more than just an option. We hear but we don’t listen. I should have changed myself first, the people closer to me second, the surrounding then maybe i would’ve been able to change the world. What am trying to say it, change is from within the heart itself not what we see. Change is powerful, always

Ask yourself this

#rumour has it

A lot of us believe what we hear but have we ever wondered what’s being said about us?

#Incognito

Are you really who you think you are or you are doing it for someone?

#Love

Giving in easily?

Giving too much and receiving less?

Are you happy or satisfied?

#Friends

Does it really matter how many they are?

How many times have you gotten in troubled with them? Or how they’re always there even when you barely noticed it?

#life

Is it ever fair?

Is it more than a journey?

How worth is your life?

All in all, am just thinking out loud

LOVE

EMS

What are we?

What are we?
We are Friends with a tainted past, maybe a good question would be what are we looking for in this, he said. But what is “this”. A forbidden passion, a lust daring. If only he could see beyond “this”. Yes I get it, it’s dangerously to walk in “this” aimlessly. It should simply be about giving ourselves time and space in each other’s life according to how much we mean and symbolize to one another. But I wish you could see beyond that. The truth in my eyes, the truth in all of me.

It’s complicated, your life is painted, the picture is complete. But maybe they missed a dot, we could be the exception. Because really, are you sure you are out. I felt it, you felt it, when we are close, the tension between us drops, we are stripped down of all guilt. The world is shut down and it’s like our last night on earth. All we have is that thin line between being selfish and saine. We can’t ,we shouldn’t but why not, we should live for us, live in the moment, I could take a bullet for that moment. Just one more moment like that.

Am out of breathe, drowning and troubled. I am sending you my heart, am dropping it right on your doorstep. All you got to do is pick it up and take care of it. I know, you know you shouldn’t but could you, can you.

Give me a chance to love you, to unfold all these emotions. Give me a chance to understand you, to want nothing but you. Am loosing all the right words to say, but instead of talking, let me demonstrate. When you are ready, dial the number, if not, it’still okay.

Am giving you forever.

LOVE
EMS

I hope i said that for someone out there
๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

Three generations

You are one in million
You love roars like a lion
Your love is intoxicating
One I could never get used too
You carried daddy
Nurtured and cared for him
With all your love
But even so, you didn’t stop there
Your love still dwells within all your grandchildren
Pure, amazingly surprising
How do you do it
I love you soo soo much

I love U granny soooo much

Love

Ems

Bucket list

Hey guys, so if you have been reading my posts, you might have an idea of some of the things on my bucket list.

Here goes nothing….

  • To visit the garden where life began
  • Road trip with all my girlfriend’s
  • Jump out of a plane / or any place higher than ground ๐Ÿ˜‚
  • Learn how to swim. Am hydrophobic,so this is gonna be a struggle
  • Travel to 5 counties outside Africa
  • Have a YouTube channel
  • Swim with dolphins
  • Meet Ellen Degenerous, i wish,, ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ but yes, the women’s humour brought me back from my darkest day.
  • Last but not list, visit Jerusalem.

LOVE

EMS

Twenty three years on planet Earth

On this day (06/06) my parents received a blessing, ME . Nurtured and loved me, this day is not only significant because of my birth but because of the pain endured by my mom and because of the Lord’s love shown through life

Like a baby learning to walk. Leaning on everything in the way, eyes focused to the person in front, rushing to reach but stumbling, falling but still trying. The edge to want it all, to thrive, to conquer it, to conquer the world.

I have lived for two decades and three years on this planet but everything is still new, i have loved, i have been hurt, i have healed, it’s all a process.

This day is made special because of friends and family and this is how.

It was all i wanted

HAPPY 23 BIRTHDAY TO ME

LOVE

EMS

Pre birthday

Thrilled

Excited

Astoned

Happy

All the words you could think off, it’s not just gonna be like any other day, i can’t wait, i can’t. When the stars aligned for the world to receive me.

LOVE

EMS