This months is one of the toughest months ever for me,
Not because am Soo broke from spending all on the festive season but because it’s a anniversary to the day I lost a part of me.
Every January 31, I lay in my bed reminiscing of what could have been of how it should have been and could be, but it all comes down to one thing.
I should be okay
My soul should be okay
Because my momma is in a happy place and it’s the only thing we want for our loved ones right.
So this year am saying be still my soul for you are okay, you will be okay..
6 years without calling mommy mom, but I still do, am still doing it right 😀..
Dedicated my research thesis to you my heart
Always believe in your self.. don’t compare yourself to others because their way is not your way..
Theirs flaws ain’t yours..
Embrace your uniqueness. You are one of a kind and don’t be shy to let the world see your awesomeness
We are masked, unseen and hidden. We have been hurt, too hurt we feel empty and lifeless. We hide our weakness, our shame and our truth. Nobody knows us, we are all playing pretend. We paint colourful pictures in our mind, of what our life is. Sometimes we live that way, but we forget that isn’t us.
As we look in the mirror, we see us, we see our secrets but as we walk out the door. The world See’s perfection, it See’s love and goodness but we hide our pain and run from our troubles.
But someone knows, someone cares. He knew you before you were even a thought, he knew you from your first breathe, to your first word to the grave he will know you still. Even with all your pain, he See’s you and he feels it with you, he knows you will overcome because his with you. So when you need him, talk to him, he listens, he loves me and he loves you the same..
I hope you know him
I literally sat for about an hour, trying to figure out what to write. Everytime I typed one word, tears started rolling down my cheek. I thought I was fine, like I had finally had the breakthrough. It’s been months,
Months and months of me being all fine but today, today it just hurts so much.
If you follow my blog, you Prolly know I lost my mom, I have been open about it because it helped me heal and really felt like I was finally okay and had made peace with it. I guess I haven’t..
I woke up feeling drained with life and school. Found myself wishing my mom was still here. I yearn to hear her say it’s gonna be okay and I will make it through. This words can come from anyone right now and it wouldn’t make a difference because I want her.. no, I need her. I feel like am about to loose it. I literally feel like she just passed away all over again. It’s hurts so bad.
I have tried everything right now.. praying, listening to gospel, watching all funny videos but it’s just still hurts. Am crying to every word said in this blog. HOW MUCH IST MEANT TO HURT..?
Writing just makes me always feel better.
So here is my mood today.